Epiphany

I have had an epiphany. And yes, I believe my plans will soon me drastically changing.

Although this is hard to admit, and also probably from coming out of the blue if you are reading any of this travel blog and see all of the things I am doing/have done, but I have been in a funk for the past few weeks in New Zealand. Even before I left for Australia, I was feeling a bit down, a bit homesick, and a bit..well, unhappy. And although I would never admit it to anyone, it was eating away at me because I just could not understand why I was feeling unhappy when I am living out the dream of so many people, traveling the world at such a ripe young age, having all of these crazy experiences, seeing all of these incredible things...but I was just getting kind of, well, over it. It's not the living out of a backpack part that was getting to me; I am quite happy with living only with the things on my back. But every day, worrying about how I am spending my money, deciding to go to places SOLEY on the fact that they have free internet, accomodation, and laundry (where I am at now), well I thought to myself, "this isn't why I am here". I love New Zealand, it is a beautiful country. I have seen some of the most amazing scenery that I have ever seen in my life, taken risks and adventures that most people only dream about, but there seems to be a point where you get to the top of a mountain you just hiked 4 hours to get to, and you look around and you say, "well, this is pretty nice. not as nice as Mt. Cook though". and then you snap a photograph, and turn back around for another 3 hour downhill climb. I feel so selfish for saying this, but there is only so much hiking/tramping one can do before the beauty before you becomes almost commonplace. And it finally hit me that feeling this way means I am definitely ready for a change. The part of my trip that was by far the best was when I was working in Raglan at Solscape, surrounded by people who love the ocean, who were creative, musical, open-minded...

I think I am done with New Zealand. I have accomplished nearly everything I have wanted to here, aside from visiting Dunedin for the Uni of Otago, and then seeing the Milford Sound. Aside from that, I was nearly worried the other day when I thought about how I was possibly going to fill another 4 weeks time. Isn't that horrible? And that's why I know I need to make a change. I have been given an opportunity to truly pursue something I really want. No one is going to hand it to me- I have to work my ass off and do it myself. I am sick of just idylly passing the time away at this shitty backpackers and wondering why the fuck I am here, in this shit town where the only thing to do is visit a cheese factory, and pay 25$ to see penguins. PAY TO SEE PENGUINS IN THEIR NATURAL ENVIRONMENT. and then, down the road, you can pay 2$ to see rocks. ROCKS for CHRIST SAKE!

So I am making a change. I have this wonderful working holiday visa which allows me to work and make money here in New Zealand, and I have not used it yet. And...I want Fiji. Yes. Fiji. Why? Because I desperatly want to get my Advanced Diving certifications. It's written down as one of my life goals- and what better time than now to go to Fiji, which is on the way home from New Zealand, and pursue one of my biggest life goals? Why have I not thought about this earlier? What was I THINKING?! Now, I don't have the money to take the courses now, but working in New Zealand for the next 7 weeks or so...yes Mom, I said 7 weeks...meaning I will stay here longer, will allow me to save enough to get me to Fiji and dive certified, providing I can find a job. What an accomplishment than will be. And the feeling of working towards something...well, I miss that.

Please, do not judge me harshly when you read this and thing. "wow, Kristi, you are such a selfish Bitch who will never be satisfied..you're in New Zealand for god's sake". And yes, I know how lucky I am to be here, TRUST ME. And I have enjoyed it SO, SO MUCH, but I really do think it's time to move on, to take advantage of this time a little bit more. Because who knows when I'll be in the South Pacific ever again.

Thoughts?